Written By: Brendon Urie, Ryan Ross, Spencer Smith

Lyrics (Start at 0:10):

Oh, well, imagine
As I’m pacing the pews in a church corridor
And I can’t help but to hear
No, I can’t help but to hear an exchanging of words
“What a beautiful wedding”
“What a beautiful wedding,” says a bridesmaid to a waiter
“And yes, but what a shame
What a shame the poor groom’s bride is a whore”

I chime in with a, “Haven’t you people ever heard of
Closing a goddamn door?”
No, it’s much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality
I chime in, “Haven’t you people ever heard of
Closing a goddamn door?”
No, it’s much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of

Well, in fact
Well, I’ll look at it this way
I mean, technically, our marriage is saved
Well, this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne
Oh, well, in fact
Well, I’ll look at it this way
I mean, technically, our marriage is saved
Well, this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne
Pour the champagne

I chime in with a, “Haven’t you people ever heard of
Closing a goddamn door?”
No, it’s much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality
I chime in, “Haven’t you people ever heard of
Closing a goddamn door?”
No, it’s much better to face these kinds of things

With a sense of poise and rationality
Again

I chime in, “Haven’t you people ever heard of
Closing a goddamn door?”
No, it’s much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality
I chime in, “Haven’t you people ever heard of
Closing a goddamn door?”
No, it’s much better to face these kinds of things

With a sense of poise and rationality
Again